Have you ever thought about death?
Not just the passing thought of “it is the path for us all”, but the depth and intensity of the moment. Have you ever imagined how scary the moment you realize your soul is slipping away from your body is?
More often than not, I toy with the thought. Turning around a hundred possibilities in my head. The most dominant imagination is that you try to lift you leg and it doesn’t move, then you try your hands and they resist then next is your speech to probably tell anyone who might be listening that you think you are dying. Obviously, your speech fails you, too. So you start having a monologue on whether or not you are dying. That’s the moment you realize you literally ran out of time.
Memories come rushing back, of the happy times you had, the people you loved and the aspects of the future you envisioned that will never come to pass. At that same supersonic speed your regrets flood your memory. The things you felt you should have done differently and the sins you committed knowingly come running to you.
You feel grief, regret, denial and gratitude concurrently. Those are four extreme emotions at one go within a fraction of a minute, or however long it lasts. And I think deep down, we all realize the intensity of emotions and the helplessness at the moment of death, it is no wonder we fear dying.
I , for one, am terrified of death, so I spend every day as if it were my last. I like to keep my conscious clear to abait the magnitude of regret and remourse at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can almost feel what my childhood friend felt right at the moment he hit the sharp corner of a container with his forehead while on his motorbike at full speed. I envision the agony of dying in the middle of nowhere alone, at night, in an isolated road. Sometimes, a part of me fells he lay there, bleeding for almost two hours or more; unable to reach for his phone or call for help. So he lay there and experienced the torment of death in the darkest of night.
When we think or hear of that abrupt end, automatically, our attention, thoughts, and compassion go to the people left behind. This could be because we can actually see them express their emotions. We rarely stop to think about the torment and argony the diseased underwent. Or maybe, the very close relatives think about it – no wonder they grieve the longest.
I still stand mesmerised by the intensity of it all. Of course it will happen to me someday, but sadly I can’t come back and write about it. It will forever remain a mystery, a strange and new experience for everyone. Yet it is the most ancient occurrence that has never been explored to a conclusion. But until then, I truly love, forgive easily, and act genuinely, knowing there is no telling what tomorrow holds or when the tunnel ends and empties me into a supposed endless pit!
dollycate 